Nature wasn’t kind to the BMW F800 GS. Symmetry is supposed to be a sign of smooth physiological development, of probable health and fitness thanks to an immune system resistant to parasites that could cause uneven growth. Yet beyond the Gonzo-esque snoot and tricolore war paint, here we are observing one of the biggest lazy eyes in motorcycle history.

The F800 GS may not be a looker, but it's one of the most robust and versatile bikes on the market

OK, it probably has a lot more to do with BMW’s designers but we’re passed finger pointing. I happen to think there’s an industriousness and nontraditional beauty to the F800 GS but regardless, I don’t want to mate Bavaria’s Quasimodo, I want to ride it.

And that’s where the BMW F800 GS excels, both on the road and in the dirt. So what if it doesn’t have the glitzy Charlie Boorman-ator status of the R1200 GS Adventurer? The 85hp 800cc unit, a symmetrical parallel twin, is punchy, beautifully linear in its delivery and more than up to the job.

On/off-road versatility of the BMW F800 GS is tempting my budget away from four wheels onto two

Plus, when you’re not on a six month sabbatical to the Andes (which due to factors like ooh, I don’t know, ‘a job,’ will be NEVER) you’ll actually praise the bike’s lighter weight and narrower profile with those wide enduro bars for making it a synch to manoeuvre through traffic. It’s also considerably cheaper, though sadly not cheap enough. Soooo, would anybody be prepared to lend me £7,650?

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